Harry Potter and the Room with Stuff Inside
by Virgil Sparda
Summary: A parody on the chamber of secrets. My first fic. R&R please!
1. With the Weasleys

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing, so tell me what's wrong and how to improve it!

HARRY POTTER

And the Room With Stuff Inside

Chapter 1 With the Weasleys 

Mr and Mrs Manson are coming round.

**Uncle Vernon:** Today is a very important day.

**Harry**: _whisper _Yeah, you're going to the gym. 

**Uncle** **Vernon**: Mr and Mrs Manson are coming round. Dudley .

**Dudley**: HelloMrandMrsMansonmynameisDudleyhowverypleasedtomeetyouIam.

**Aunt Petunia**: My baby little Duddypoo.

**Harry**: Can't you put him in a mental institute?

**Uncle** **Vernon**: They are here. Positions.

**Harry**: I'm off to my room. Erk! There's a house elf in here! He looks strangely like Gollum from The Lord of the Rings!

**Dobby**: Harry Potter must not go to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry this year!

**Harry**: No, I'm not taking advice from some stupid house-elf.

**Dobby**: I'll wreck the cake downstairs, because it's for your own good. 

**Harry**: *slow motion* Nn-n-nnoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

_Letter comes to tell Harry that he's naughty for using magic out of school._

**Uncle** **Vernon**: *gives Harry an Avada Kedavra look*

**Harry**: Oh, I wish Ron were here in his flying car so that he'd rescue me.

**Ron**: Harry, here I am and I have a squeaky voice. I feel less of a man than you.

**Twins**: Hey Harry.

**Harry**: Hey Fred and George.

**Twins**: Get in the car, quick!

**Uncle** **Vernon**: No you don't, I have to kill you!!!

**Harry**: Tough!

**Uncle Vernon**: *grabs Harry's trouser leg*

**Harry**: Aiie!

Uncle Vernon is so heavy he pulls Harry's trousers off and falls to the ground whilst the boy who lived is dangling in the air wearing his boxer shorts. Shot of Dudley drinking Dr Pepper – What's the worst that could happen?

Harry still dangling from car as it goes over a lamppost way too low, and it gets Harry in the –

**Harry**: AIIEE!!!

**Ron + Twins**: That looked painful. Let's fly to Bag End, er, no, the Burrow.

At the Burrow

**Ginny**: *silent and embarrassed*

**Harry**: I'm just so damn irresistible, aren't I?

**Ron**: No, you're wearing boxer shorts.

**Harry**: Oh.

**Twins**: You do realise that these are the X-Files boxer shorts that say 'The Truth Is In Here' on the front?

**Harry**:…Oh.

**Ron**: Go. Put on some pants

**Harry**: Good idea.

**Mrs Weasely**: I'm going to kill you all!

**Twins**: Why is Ginny running off to her room?

**Mrs** **Weasley**: She just hasn't seen a boy in his underwear before.

**Twins**: What about Percy. He always comes down in his boxers?

Harry comes back down stairs. 

**Mrs** **Weasley**: Percy is one of her brothers she isn't scared of him.

**Harry**: Oh look, post.

Errol was coming to the window just as Fred closed it-

**Errol**: HOOOOOOOO.

**Fred**: Sorry Errol.

George goes to the window.

**George**: He's been like that for ages.

**Fred**: Off you go and get some rest.

**Errol**: Hooo

**Harry**: Who's Gildyboy Lockfart?

**Ron**: Some twit that mum fancies.

**Mrs** **Weasley**: Oh he knows everything there is to know-

**Ron**: About twits.

**Fred**: This will all cost 7 Sickies and 17 Nuts.

**Ron**: Why don't we go tomorrow.

**Mrs** **Weasley**: Yes good idea Ron, I expect Hermione will be there.

**Fred**: We will pay for it.

**George**: We have 7500 Gold Gandalfs 8432 Sickies 9754 Nuts.

**Harry**: I have 900000 Gold Gandalfs 800000 Sickies 700000 Nuts

**George**; At least we are rich.

**Harry**: HA! I have more money than you.

**Fred**: Well, we got this money by making things. 

**Harry**: My family properly rich.

**George**: They were killed by VOLDEMORT!

AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE

**George**: Shutting up

**Ginny**: Stop it both of you * runs up stairs*

**Mrs** **Weasley**: Why don't we go to bed.

Next day

**Mrs** **Weasley**: Right, in the car.

**Percy**: Dad can we go into the shop with the polish, I ran out yesterday.

**Mr** **Weasley**: Of course we can.

In Diagon Alley.

**Mrs** **Weasley**: We will meet you in Florish and Blotts in an hour.

**Harry**: Why don't we go to buy ink and parchment.

**Hermione**: Yes why not.

So they went to buy all the parchment they needed. They were having the time of their lives. They saw their friend Neville Longbottom. 

**Harry**: I wonder what Draco Malfoy might be doing?

**Hermione**: He might be running, crying and shouting for a broomstick.

**Ron**: Yeah, look, I know why*he pointed to Quality Quiddich Supplies* 

They made they're way to the window.

**Ron**: It's the new Firebolt

**Harry**: I have a perfectly good broom.

**Hermione**: Yeah, I know, but this broom is better.

**Harry**: What do I give a dam-

**Ron**: Watch your mouth.

**Harry**: Sorry.

They made they're way to Florish and Blotts.

**End of chapter 1, chapter 2 up soon, R&R please!!**


	2. Gidlyboy Lockfart

Chapter 2 Gildyboy Lockfart 

Florish and Blotts

The trio came into Florish and Blotts.

**Harry**: Is that him?

**Ron**: Yes, look at the ugly twit.

He has short green hair and fancies boys, every now and then you would hear a slight pppfffftttttt that explains the name Gildyboy Lockfart.

**Hermione**: He looks different from before.

**Ron**: That's because he has had another facelift. He has one every 10 weeks.

**Lockfart**: By god ppppffffftttttt it's Harry Potter.

Harry stared horror struck as Lockfart moved towards him as if Voldemort came back to full power right before his eyes.

**Lockfart**: Harry pppfffttt please stand pppfffttt here. You are worth pppfffttt the front page. I am pppfffttt the second.

Half the people in the shop are lying on the floor unconscious because of the smell.

**Lockfart**: Here, have my entire set of pppfffttt books free of charge.

Suddenly a book of the top most shelf fell and smashed Lockfart on the head. Now the cameraman was clicking madly, saying "This will make top news."   

**Harry**: I think I'll go now.

**Ron**: Yeah, let him die in his own smell.

**Hermione**: No, lets help him.

**Ron**: Go and die with the other people, and him.

**Hermione**: Oh all right. Lets go see if Draco has been trying to get into the volt that you and Hagrid took the stone out of.

**Harry**: Maybe he got sucked in?

**Ron**: I hope so.

They went to Gringnotts.

**Hermione**: There he is.

**Draco**: Father, I can't believe you let that volt suck me in.

**Mr Malfoy**: It was a lesson well learned.

**Draco**: Father it's the Mudblood, Poor dude and Scar head.

**Mr Malfoy**: No Draco, its Orc, Frodo and Saruman.

**Harry**: Ha, Draco was sucked in.

**Ron**: Wonder what Draco is being told off for by that angry goblin?

**Hermione**: Bet its because he's holding that stone.

**Draco**: Father I hate you.

**Mr Malfoy**: Stop your whining. I will get you a broom.

**Harry**: Stupid low IQ twit.

**Ron**: Hey Draco had fun in a dark cell?

**Draco**: Yeah actually. I did magic and didn't get a letter.

Owl flies and letter drops on Draco's head.

**Draco**: Ahh…. Must be a mistake. Yes that's right it's a mistake.

**Harry**: I can see your name on the front. 

**Draco**: …….By you demented freak.

**Harry**: We just missed the only time we would see Malfoy crying.

**Ron**: We might see him cry on the Hogwarts Express. 

**Hermione**: You never know we might be lucky.

**R&R please**


	3. The Hell

Chapter 3 The Hell 

Kings cross

Ron: Meet you at the other side.

Harry: Lets go.

Run run run………..CRASH!!!

Harry: What the hell.

Ron: What happened.

Harry: No idea.

Guard: What on earth is going on.

Ron: He was pushed by someone that went over there.

Harry: That's what happened.

Ron: *Looks at clock* 10 minutes.

Harry:  Wheat the hell are we going to do.

Ron: Search me.

Harry: What's happening.

Ron: Whoa.

Colour was swirling everywhere and it stopped. 

They were in Pisa in Italy with Hermione and loads of money.

Ron: What the **** happened.

Hermione: Ron.

Harry: Are we in Italy next to the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Hermione: Looks like. 

Harry: Ok lets think about this. We all just got magically transported into Italy with spending money right?

Ron: Can we go on the tower, can we, can we, can we?

Hermione: Not yet.

Harry: Do you think Lord Voldemort did this?

Ron and Hermione screamed causing lots of people to look at them.

Hermione: I'll get a map stay here. 

Ron just came back holding a toy.

Ron: You know this money, it never runs out!!! 

Hermione: Where did you go?

Harry: This money never runs out.

Hermione: What!

Ron: Yeah I know.

Hermione: There's a hotel near here and It's 5 star!

Harry: Let's go.

They went to the hotel.

Hermione: 1 room please with 3 beds.

Person at desk: Room Voldemort.

Ron and Hermione screamed.

Harry: Pardon. 

Person at desk: We have names instead of numbers.

Ron: Oh.

They went to the room.

Harry: Not again

All the colour swirled.

They woke on the Hogwarts Express!

Harry: It was all a dream.

Ron was still asleep.

Ron: I am king I am king come on baby come to me- . * He sang. *

Hermione: RON!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ron: Fugugiwushie.

Harry: What.

Ron: It was a dream.

Harry: Yeah.

Ron: ****.

Hermione: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ron started to squeak.

Harry: Now you've done it.

Ron now looked as if he had just battled a troll.

Hermione: Were here.


	4. New Teacher?

Here we go!

Chapter 4 New Teacher?

Harry: I love the air.

Ron: Yeah.

He had recovered but with difficulty.

Hagrid: Come to me hut when you got free time.

Trio: Ok.

They got into Hogwarts.

Dumbledore: I would like to give each of you a letter.

A letter appeared .It was one between three, Harry read aloud:

Due to Professor Gildyboy Lockfart there will be no feast as he may nock out the entire school with his wind breaking.

Professor Mc. McGonagall 

Deputy Head Mistress 

Hermione: What.

Ron: I was looking forward to food.

They went to bed.

Next day

Ron: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

HermioneROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He went hysterical.

Hermione: Bliss. Pure bliss.

Harry looked at his timetable. He had every single day in week A full with Defence Against The Dark Arts.

Harry: ( groaned)

Ron: Tak o spital ing. Translation: Take to hospital wing. 

Hermione: All right.

Harry: How am I going to manage that ugly, gay, face lifting git? 

Hermione: Be like me.

Harry had a vivid picture of wearing girl's robes, underwear and talking like one but it left quickly from his mind.

Harry: Yeah right.

Harry went to his class. The smell was alright but as soon as Lockfart came it stank.

Harry: What have I done to deserve this?

Lockfart: Ok class pppppppppfffffffttttttt we will do sim -.

He had knocked himself out with his stink.

Trio: Let's go to Hagrid's.

They walked to his hut.

Hagrid: What are you doi'n visiti'n me in class time?

Hermione: Lockfart knocked himself out.

Hagrid: Oh.

Ron: Stupid farting git.

Hermione: Ron.

Hagrid: Come in come in, have some tea.

Trio: Ok.


	5. Oh My

AN: Another long time has passed work and memory to blame.

I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!!!

Chapter 5 OH MY 

Hagrid's hut

Hagrid: I've bin havin' some talks with Professor Lockfart.

The three listen closely.

Hagrid: He's bin givin' away some secrets too.

Ron: What are they?

Hagrid: He said he was all depressed. He was a bisexual. He also said he fancied Ron!" He added in a whisper.

Hermione: Oh my.

Ron: What the FUCK? The fuck's going on? What the fuck is he on about?

Harry: B…But h…he said h…he loved me.

Harry burst into tears. Hermione went to comfort him.

Ron: Ok, This is really strange so I'm going to professor Lockfart now.

They all left for Professor Lockfart's office.

They noticed some writing on the wall: **THE ROOM WITH STUFF INSIDE IS OPEN RESTRICTED ACCESS.**

Hermione: Oh my.

Harry: We'll come back later.

Ron: Yeah.

They got to Gildyboy Lockfart's room. They knocked on the door.

Professor Lockfart's office.

Lockfart: Come pppfffttt in.

It was a strange sight. Lockfart had some strange thing producing from his but. He saw where their eyes gazed.

Lockfart: It's a Fart Farter.

They still had blank faces.

Lockfart: It makes the smell go good.

Trio: Oh.

They looked at his face.

Hermione: Oh my

Ron: Blimey.

Harry: You look just like-

Lockfart: Michael Jackson.

Harry: Yeah.

Lockfart: I think it suits me.

Hermione: Can you sing like him to?

Lockfart: No of coarse not.

Ron: Ok you gay, bisexual, git you've got a lot of explaining to do.

Harry: Yeah you mean bitch.

Lockfart: (Gulp).


End file.
